Aikido Awkwardness

The problem with aikido being so awkward is that it is a very physical class. Aikido is a martial art based on the art of the Samurai. My friend Kelly and I take it at a "dojo" in Seneca where our teacher set it up. Our teacher is an American, probably in his late forties or early fifties, and used to work as a bodyguard in the secret service for Clinton and Bush. He has a lot of experience, but he sure does say some creepish things. 

For instance, he told one girl student that she looked like a sexy librarian. Then he told the class, "oh, you know those sexy librarians with the glasses and blouses. They wear their hair up, but one day they will just take their glasses off, pull down their hair and unbutton their blouses." Awkward. 

Then, during the same class when he was talking about protection, he looked at some sorority girls in our class and was like, "you girls need to be careful. Maybe you're at a fraternity party and have had something to drink and Billy tells you he wants to show you his fish tank. You say, 'sure Billy!' But when you get up to Billy's room, he locks the door behind you! You say, 'but Billy, where is your fish tank?' and he will say, 'I don't have a fish tank, but now I will show you my guppies!'"

Yes, it is important that girls aren't stupid and know how to protect themselves, but I think the teacher enjoyed telling it unnecessarily. He just makes kind of creepy comments. Like last class, after we watched a video showing some aikido moves, the teacher said, "Don't you wish that boyfriends and girlfriends had an instructional video that they could watch before they do it? And you are never to old to need an instructional video. Just because you are 30 doesn't mean you know what you are doing." So I'm like, great... let's go wrestle with people. : O

Among all the awkward moves and stories was the class where the teacher told me, loud enough that everyone in the class looked to see what was going on, that the way I was doing the move on my partner looked like I was giving him a blow job. He continued and was like, "you have your face right there like you are looking at "it." It doesn't look pretty. What if someone decided to take your picture right then? What would they think?" Then he wanted to show me what it looked like by doing what I was doing to my partner, to which my partner did not seem excited as my teacher repeatedly showed the class how I looked when I was doing this move.

It doesn't help with any of this awkwardness that there are more guys than girls. I've been trying to just work with girls lately because usually the topic of discussion mentioned beforehand is sexual, and it make me uncomfortable to work with the guys. But I will say that the comments do make class more interesting. 

   

A Childish Rant

  This is not supposed to be funny. I am only writing this down because thinking about it makes me laugh and realize how good my current day is going. 

I love intramural sports because they are like organized pickup, and they count as exercise and socializing at the same time. I continue to love intramural sports even though our co-ed basketball team loses every game by at least 20 points. I was so pumped about our game Monday and was bouncing off the walls beforehand from excitement. We thought we might have a chance because for the first time our small team wasn't outnumbered by the opposition. But, false. 

Within five minutes I was having trouble keeping up with the other girls because they were much more in shape than I am. Then I suddenly felt extremely nauseous and almost threw up. I just ran off to go throw up without calling a time-out, so our team got a technical. When I came back my team was mad at me for the technical, we were losing badly, and the girls had no subs. But I realized that (I'm hypoglycemic) my sugar levels were really low and I needed to sit and drink powerade. 

Meanwhile, disaster hit the courts. Out of the four guys (we need to have 2 on the courts), two had hurt ankles. Then one of the three girls on the court started having an asthma attack. I couldn't replace her because I couldn't hardly stand up I was shaking so much. Fortunately we were losing by so much (30 points) that our game was cut short 5 minutes. 

After I got back from the game I was suppose to hardcore study for my physics exam the next morning. But I was still shaky, emotional and exhausted from the sugar level fail. So I mostly complained, studied a little, and then promised to wake up ridiculously early before my 8am class to study. 

Fail. Woke up at 8:02 am to my friend asking me to save her a seat. So I RAN out of bed and grabbed my stuff for my 9:30 am test. Physics test was super hard and I don't really know that studying would have helped, so at least that's good. When I got out of the test it was raining, so I had to walk back in the rain without a coat. When I got to my apartment I realized that in my haste I had forgotten my keys and was still locked out. I canceled the lunch I had with a friend, and called my mom to come let me in (she lives 20 minutes away) because all my roommates I thought were in class. 

Since it was cold and rainy I walked around the complex trying to find someone who was home. The only person who opened the door was this guy who I'd met a couple times before. He's a quiet guy and was studying for an exam, but I so appreciated him letting me in. So much, that I decided to tell him the woes of my life which he didn't know how to react to. Finally my mom came! I went inside, and realized I needed to do some laundry, wash a load of dishes since we were completely out, and take a shower before my internship at a doctor's office. Then I realized that my water had been turned off for apartment complex repairs. 

So after much body spray and eating my frozen meal with my hands, I went to my internship. Unfortunately, the coordinator in charge of my internship did not. So after doing nothing but standing next to the coats in the employee room for 1.5 hours, I started just wandering around the doctors' office. I got to see the nurse do some things, but left soon after that. 

Then, on my way home my little sister calls me to tell me that my dad is taking the family skiing for the weekend in Utah. Well, except for me, so she needs my main winter coat for the slopes. *sigh*

But the thing is, it was a very exciting 24 hours. It was filled with lots of annoying things, but nothing went life-alteringly awry. When I got back from the office, my roommate Emily cooked me dinner which was fabulous, and after that I got to get a blizzard at dairy queen. : ) And today, I'm much more appreciative of the little things that do go right. 

I will try to be more interesting and positive in my next posts. 

Awkward from the Top

I am the apartment manager for the apartment I live in and one downstairs. Three of the guys who live down there, including a set of twins, don't really have much of a friendship with me besides the 1st of each month for paying rent. 

So Monday at Bible study, I was being the shy girl since I'd only been once before and was standing around the snacks. Nick, one of the twins from the apartment and a guy Tyler were talking right next to me. Nick looks at me and mumbles something I thought was "I didn't know you went here." So I say, "Ohh, well it's just my second time. I like it though, and these are great snacks." He looked at me really strangely, and says, "I just said that I needed to pay rent." This conversation just started so badly. 

I guess we decided a safe topic was the weather, so Nick says, "How about that ice storm this weekend?" 

"Yeah, that was crazy!" I said, thinking we were finally in the clear.

"That tree that fell and blocked the entrance was so huge."

"A tree fell?" I asked, making sure I'd heard him right this time.

"Um...yes... it was blocking the main entrance to Daniel Square for two days."

"Oh... I guess I haven't been out much." Awkward silence. But not as awkward as what follows. I tried to make up for the fact that I knew nothing about the tree by relating to the bad weather with how hard it is to climb down our steps when it is cold. Some of the apartment units are on top, and others, like Nick's are on the bottom. The flight of stairs leading to top apartments is made out of wood and completely turns to ice making it almost impossible to get downstairs. 

"Do you know what I hate about being on top?"

Oh gosh, I suddenly realized how awful that sounded. But I couldn't stop the snickers and silence that followed...from me. Tyler and Nick just looked at me while I tried to think of how to go forward with the sentence. 

So I was just like, "It gets really icy. Okay, I should go talk to Kim on the other side of the room." And then I escaped. Boy do I dread rent payments next month. 

The Beginning

   I have so many awkward things happen to me, so often that I've decided to keep a record of all these beautiful moments that happen in my life. This will kind of be a personal equivalent to fmylife.com or mylifeisaverage.com., except it will be more like fmyawkwardlife.com. 

  Well, let's start with this morning. Got to my Spanish Phonetics class late, and sat down in one of those tiny desks that keep you mostly awake. I sat down my travel mug of just reheated coffee and creamer and my spanish book and papers on my "desk" and started taking notes. My darling roommate Emily who is also in this class was sitting in front of me. Unfortunately, when she turned around, she knocked over the coffee, and it spilt allll over my white bermuda shorts. I just kind of sat looking down, stunned, at the warm coffee pouring into my lap. Thankfully, the coffee just spilt on my lap, so I didn't have to clean up anything. Anyway, I felt really awkward, because it looked like I had really watery diarrhea while I walked to the bathroom to stop the dripping. Thank God that Emily had her work pants in her backpack which she graciously wore so that I could wear her jeans. So it didn't turn out so awful! I will soon be posting a pic of the shorts for visual aid. 

Story number two from today: This evening after I walked home from my frisbee game in the dark, I saw three guys talking below the stairs to my apartment. One of them was my friend's boyfriend, one was a neighbor and the other one was turned with his back towards me. The guy facing the apartment had on a red shirt and cropped blonde hair, and looked like my friend Walker. Walker had earlier scared my neighbor to death by sneaking up behind her, which he thought was really funny, and I decided this was a great time to get him back. So I took my water bottle and squirted his whole back with water. Then he turned around and it turns out that I've never seen him before. So then this conversation follows:

"Oh my gosh. I am so so so sorry!!! I thought you were someone else!"

"Oh."

"Do you know Walker Suits? I thought you were him! He sneaked up on my roomie the other day and I was going to get him back and oh my gosh!!!! I am soooo sorry!!!!"

"I know Walker."

"Okay. Well. I am just so sorry."

"It's fine."

"Okay. Well. I'm going upstairs now. I'm so so sorry."

   So I went upstairs, and I hear someone say, "Did that really just happen?"

FMAL