It seems the tables have turned... mwahahahaahaha

I work at a clinic on campus three days a week doing things like taking patient history, blood pressure, weight, height and samples. But do my patients know my job description? Noooope, half of them think I'm the doctor, and another quarter think I am a nurse, and the quarter that actually knows I'm nothing isn't very nice. The ambiguity of my job lends patients to spill their guts to me. Hehehe. Sometimes I'm confused on how they really think the graphic details of whatever it is...their sex life, their drinking habits or diet... really could help their doctor treat their health. Yeah... no one cares whether you fell after taking three steps or two, point is you fell.
Also, since the patients are already uncomfortable by my questions, they don't really know what I'm supposed to ask them, so I can ask whatever I want. And I'm a very curious person. This doesn't work on the quarter of people who know I'm a student with no skills. They ask me whether I really need to know their weight in a very haughty way. Yes we do. Then they tell me I took their blood pressure wrong, which could very possibly be true, but their complaints usually correlate with a high number. No, I'm sorry, but you really do need to exercise.
An added joy of asking awkward questions happens when a former professor walks in, unexpectedly. Often they recognize me and feel ashamed that they are humans and need check ups. For instance, a professor from a smaller class came in for her yearly GYN appointment. She knew me well enough to wave outside of class, but not enough to really know who I am, so it was a perfect mixture for a really uncomfortable patient history interview. She kept commenting on how awkward our meeting was, saying "This is so weird. I knew I shouldn't have come on campus. Oh gosh. I can't believe you know these things about me." I'd blush, but secretly reveled in her embarrassment, thinking back to a C on a test. But she really is a great lady, and a brilliant professor, so I asked her whether she wanted someone else to ask her the questions. But being the passionate educator she is, she allowed me to finish the history. After her appointment I apologized that it was awkward, and in typical nerd fashion I told her she was one of my favorite teachers. I think she appreciated it, but would have preferred a student-professor relationship that allowed her to keep her clothes on.

Graduating from awkward? I don't think so.

Let’s rewind to the week of graduation. My dear friend Annemarie and I have practically taken every class together in Biological Sciences since first semester Freshman year. I practically got a minor in “Annemarie Studies.” We’ve often dreamed of the day we would walk from our apartment to Little John while reminiscing on the past four years.

But the night before our 9am ceremony, Annemarie told me that her parents were going to pick her up and take her to breakfast beforehand. At the look of disappointment on my face, she quickly assured me, “Oh, but of course you’ll come.” Heck yes I’m coming. Not only was I not going to give up my morning of remembrance with Annemarie, but since when do I turn down breakfast?

So the next morning, the entire Verdin clan showed up in carvan to drive us to first sign in at graduation, and then go for breakfast. Bojangles? Chick-fil-a? Pot Belly Deli? So many good breakfast options in the Clemson area, and I was starrrrving.

After we waited in the torturous sign-in line, we once again got in the suburban, and headed… in the direction of the Madren Center? Huh? Well maybe we were going to eat breakfast there because some of Annemarie’s family had spent the night in the hotel. But when we got inside, a Senator greeted us at the door.

“Are you Annemarie? Congratulations on graduating. It is very impressive to persevere through 4 years of college. Well done. I have this tiger-paw pin for you, just like the one I wear.”

Annemarie took the pin and said thank you. I was just standing next to her, so she introduced me to him, “This is Lauren, she’s graduating today too.” The senator gave me the head nod.

* - Before this goes on any further, I should interrupt myself to let you know that Annemarie’s dad is a state senator. That’s where these connections come from.- *

We continue on into the Madren Center towards a room that is full of nicely dressed men and women. This is when it dawned on me that this was no continental breakfast. This must be the Trustee’s breakfast. How odd! As this thought was hitting me, I saw President Barker near the door. Then he was walking towards us, and like some scene from a strange dream he walked up to Annemarie.

“Annemarie? Wonderful to see you. What an exciting, meaningful day for you. Let’s talk about what you’ll be doing next year while we walk down this hall. I’d love to take some pictures with you and your family.”

So President Barker with all Annemarie’s extended family (and me!) in tow walk down to a fireplace area. President Barker asks some people sitting on couches to leave with just a word. Then we went around the room shaking people’s hands and meeting them.

“Annemarie’s sister? Wow, you should be proud of your sister. Follow in her lead. She graduated college and is going to med school. Work hard like her.”

“Annemarie’s brother? What an honor you have to have Annemarie as a sister. She is graduating from Clemson University. That’s a big, big deal you know. “

Then he comes to me. “Who are you?”

“Oh, I’m Annemarie’s friend. I’m graduating today, too.”

“Cool.” Then he turns to place the professional cameraman.

“Time for photos with the family. Can we get all family members to gather around?”

So I took this as my cue to hang around near the fireplace while the family paused. I took this time to bitterly wish I had a camera so I could take just one picture with the President. I was also jealous that Annemarie’s family was all at graduation, when I had barely convinced my mom to come. But my pettiness soon wore off at Annemarie’s blushing and the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

Then came time for the grand event- the placing of the class ring on Annemarie’s finger. And that was really the point of the whole gathering with President Barker. Annemarie’s dad didn’t get to see the ring ceremony, so it was a surprise for Annemarie.

Then President Barker tells Annemarie that his assistant Cathy will be taking her over to Little John. She asked whether I could come, too, and he says, “Sure, you can take your friend.” Yeah, that’d be nice, since I’m graduating and all. But I wanted breakfast, so I made her ask if we could stay and get a little breakfast.

“Why of course, Annemarie, get some breakfast! We don’t want you to be hungry for your graduation! Just tell Cathy when you are ready to go. I’ll be shaking your hand at the ceremony before you know it. And your friend can go with you if you want.”

Breakfast was delicious with little pieces of pineapple wrapped in bacon. I wandered around following Annemarie as different trustees congratulated her. Same story for each one; they gush about what a big deal graduating from college is, then I’m awkwardly standing next to Annemarie, then Annemarie introduces me and the trustee says something like, “cool” or “hi.”

But besides the whole jealousy part and the fact that my University President had zero interest in my graduating (you should’ve seen the “Do I know you from somewhere?” look he gave me while I shook his hand at the ceremony), it was such fun to see Annemarie’s humble response to it all. When she wasn’t getting flashed by the paparazzi’s cameras, I went up and whispered in her ear “I’m nevvver going to let you forget this, mwahahahaha.”

Bring it on

It's been waaaay too long since I've updated this blog. Several things probably contributed to my vacation from recording my many awkward moments.

1. A desire to just be normal for a while. Maybe I was tired of being awkward. Maybe I wanted to fit into society like any other 22 year old girl. But this has failed. Why hide such an essential part of who I am? I had my year of attempted normalcy, now it's time to again revel in those strange, uncool, awkward moments that plague my life.
2. A feeling that I didn't have enough time to craftily write up an antidote about my weird life. But I must simply acknowledge that my posts will never meet up with my perfectionistic standards, and post the raw materials.
3. The personal nature of my awkward moments in the last year. Sometimes it might be good to hide the awkward things that happen with your friends, because they might read this blog and be offended that I think our encounters are awkward. So I resolve to fulfill my awkward quota through strangers who will unknowingly be published on my blog. mwahahahaha.

So here's to another year of awkward. It's my mid-June resolution. Coming up next will be some highlights from the last month. Bring on the awkward- I'm ready.